My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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