haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
