I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
