before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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