im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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