R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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