Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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