I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
