We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
sex in a hospital.. check
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
