I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
