Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
