If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
