Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
