She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
