please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
