Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
