As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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