hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
