Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
