You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
In America we eat man semen.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
