i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
