What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
