Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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