I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
