apparently the secret to your success is patron
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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