i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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