I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
