Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
