Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
