After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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