THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
