D3 body, D1 cock
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
