Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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