More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
