If that was your dad, he is hot
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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