He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
pray to the hookup gods
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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