he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
