I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
