2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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