then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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