Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
