New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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