Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
