no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
