A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
