So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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