i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
