I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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