I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
