There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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