two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
